Why do some men stay single?

Sometimes, relationship reluctance is indeed due to a past betrayal or broken heart. Other times, however, it is simply due to personal preference. According to research, for self-assured men, in particular, singlehood signals success and satisfaction.

psychologytoday.com - Why Many Men Stay Single | Psychology Today

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As I addressed in a previous post,i there are various reasons men and women prefer to fly solo. But especially after a particular age, single men face unique questions. People often speculate they must fear commitment, have been betrayed in a prior relationship, or have some type of personality disorder. Research indicates, however, that the explanation may be far more straightforward.

Single by Choice

Notwithstanding the proliferation and popularity of dating apps, it is also true that many people enjoy the freedom and flexibility of single life. Even many daters are reluctant to take relationships to the next level if it involves sacrificing autonomy and independence. Indeed, we all have friends who lead fulfilling lives, who seem perfectly content keeping romantic relationships at arms-length, often to the dismay of partners seeking greater intimacy. We tend to psychoanalyze relationship-reluctant individuals as if something was “wrong” with them. What happened to them in the past? Were they abandoned in childhood? Did an ex-partner betray them? We also stereotype men as more likely to be gun-shy regarding relational intimacy or walking down the aisle. Sometimes, relationship reluctance is indeed due to a past betrayal or broken heart. Other times, however, it is simply due to personal preference. According to research, for self-assured men, in particular, singlehood signals success and satisfaction.

The Significance of Self-Esteem

Menelaos Apostolou and Rafaella Philippou (2022) explored the effects of self-esteem and desirable traits on the decision to remain single.ii They distinguished between involuntary singlehood, defined as people who would rather be in an intimate relationship and those who are single by choice. They investigated the link between possessing valuable traits that people prefer in a partner and self-esteem on singlehood status. They found that self-esteem was a significant predictor of marital status for men. Higher scores correlated with a higher probability of being in a relationship or single by choice rather than involuntarily single. They found no such link between self-esteem and marital status for women.

The Deception of Desirability

Apostolou and Philippou also looked at the impact of desirable traits on relationship status. They noted that, as referenced in current literature, such traits include intelligence, good character, appearance, social status, and resource acquisition potential. The researchers observed that people who lack such qualities would find it harder to attract and retain intimate partners. However, Apostolou and Philippou found that generally, for both genders, self-ratings of desirability did not directly predict marital status. However, some traits had significant indirect effects on men, the largest being “good looks,” where higher scores were linked with higher self-esteem, which was associated with a higher likelihood of being in a relationship or single by choice.

Avoiding Stigma or Stereotype

When considering the agenda, aspirations, or relationship potential of single men, especially men who have aged out of their younger years, we recognize that we shouldn't stereotype or stigmatize. But we also should recognize the potential absence of ulterior explanations for resisting relationships; some self-assured men are simply single by choice.

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Is it OK to be a dad at 45?

Am I too old? While certain risks may rise with age, men continue to produce sperm throughout their lives and can father healthy children into old age.

webmd.com - The Risks of Becoming a Dad Later in Life - WebMD

Over the last 4 decades, the number of men older than 40 who father a child has more than doubled. But only recently have researchers begun to explore what impact a dad's age may have on his unborn children. A study published in the journal BMJ in October 2018 found that children of men ages 45 to 54 have a 14% higher risk of premature birth and low birth weight, compared with those fathered by men ages 25 to 34. Early births make children more vulnerable to long-term physical and mental health problems, while low birth weight may require a stay in the hospital's newborn intensive care unit. Previous research has suggested that a dad's older age boosts the risk of miscarriage as well as his child's chances of having autism and schizophrenia. What explains the link between a man's age and the health of his children? Michael Eisenberg, MD, the BMJ study's lead author and an associate professor of urology at the Stanford University School of Medicine, offers two possibilities: DNA mutations that accumulate as men age, and harms that may result from obesity, poor diet, lack of exercise, and other things. "Those could potentially put a pregnancy at risk," says Eisenberg, "but we don't know for certain at this point."

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