Why do men get angry?

Men's anger is often fuelled by fear, according to a psychologist. Anger is a secondary emotion which means there is typically always something else underneath it, like fear, sadness, or jealousy.

insider.com - Men's anger is often down to fear, according to a psychologist - Insider

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Men's anger is often fuelled by fear, according to a psychologist.

Anger is a secondary emotion which means there is typically always something else underneath it, like fear, sadness, or jealousy. By learning to recognise your anger and what is lying behind it, you'll be able to relate to what you're feeling a whole lot easier. Top editors give you the stories you want — delivered right to your inbox each weekday. Loading Something is loading. Thanks for signing up! Access your favorite topics in a personalized feed while you're on the go. download the app Email address By clicking ‘Sign up’, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider as well as other partner offers and accept our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy In psychology, anger is a secondary emotion. This means there is typically always another emotion underneath it, such as sadness or feeling hurt. Often, anger is so all encompassing that it's hard to decipher what it's being fuelled by. According to Avrum Weiss in a blog post for Psychology Today, anger is "the only emotion that is socially acceptable for men," so it may be the one they tend to be most comfortable expressing. While women are more likely to direct their anger inwards and search for a way to blame themselves, men are more likely to lash out, Weiss said, because it helps them feel more in control of their own emotions, as well as potentially controlling the people around them too. "Both men and women have been poorly served by the gender socialization they have received," said psychologist Sandra Thomas in a post for the American Psychological Association. "Men have been encouraged to be more overt with their anger. If [boys] have a conflict on the playground, they act it out with their fists. Girls have been encouraged to keep their anger down." Often, men are pushing down other feelings underneath the rage, and according to Weiss, it's usually fear. For instance, if a man is angry about their partner texting her friends late at night, this may be covering up the fear that she doesn't enjoy his company as much as theirs. Fury over their partner coming home late from work may be caused by jealousy and the fear the partner is more successful. "Once you begin to recognize some of the deeper fears underlying your anger, you might consider the truly intimate act of talking with your wife/partner about some of your fears," Weiss said. "This act of loving vulnerability may be very frightening to consider, but the rewards often far outweigh the risks." According to Healthy Psych, if you feel angry, you should pause and check in with yourself if you can feel anything else driving it. When an emotion like sadness or fear shifts to anger, it usually happens pretty quickly and you may not have registered it at all. "Feeling anger may be an ingrained habit for you, which means that it can take more time to identify the deeper thoughts and feelings that lie underneath," the post says. "By working with the fear, sadness, or both, you will develop more skillful ways of relating to your anger." For instance, you may find you can deal with some unresolved grief, or you start relating to your partner better than you did before.

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What is a backburner relationship?

According to the study, a back-burner is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement”.

stylist.co.uk - Back-burner relationships: why can't I move on from my ex? - Stylist

What are back-burner relationships?

“There is a fundamental difference between remaining friends with, or occasionally connecting with, your ex and a back-burner relationship,” psychologist Dr Jaime Zuckerman tells Stylist. “Maintaining a back-burner relationship with an ex, when used as a means to avoid a deeper level of emotional commitment, can have a negative impact on your primary relationship.” “With back-burner relationships, you keep the door open to the possibility of a liaison with someone from your past,” agrees dating coach Hayley Quinn. “If you’re single, you may want to keep the possibility of reconnecting with someone open as it feels nicer to have an option than no one at all. If you’re in a relationship, keeping contact with a past partner or crush could also be a way of not placing all your eggs in one basket.” The researchers behind the 2014 back-burner study found that 73% of respondents in their study stated that they had more than one back-burner, regardless of whether they were single, casually dating or in a committed relationship. In fact, the majority of those surveyed (56%) admitted to having back-burners while in a relationship.

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