What is a true man?

A real man treats a woman as an equal and a partner, rather than as an object. A real man is allowed to feel, to emote, to love, to cry and to have his weak moments. A real man is human, and like all humans he can be both strong as well as vulnerable.

timesofindia.indiatimes.com - Who is a real man? - Times of India

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Vinita Dawra Nangia is an Executive Editor with The Times of India. The blog O-zone reflects her incisive insights into life, relationships and contemporary living, offering a fresh, sharper and more evolved look at yourself and the world you dwell in. The blog puts forth practical, feel-good ways of dealing with contemporary chaos and the myriad internal struggles we deal with each day. O-zone runs as a weekly column in The Times of India’s Sunday supplement, Times Life. Vinita is also Festival Director of the Times Literature Festival and Director/Founder of Write India, the world’s largest crowd-sourced story contest. LESS ... MORE

The rules for masculinity have changed. Unfortunately the bulletin has not been put up loud and clear. Who will inform the boys?

A real man does not derive his power from chasing women down streets. He does not need to drink himself silly to feel powerful, nor does he need a band of ‘Yes Men’ to boost his morale. A real man does not derive validation from female attention, nor does he derive his sense of power from his politician father! A real man’s power resides in his innate values, his sense of balance, intellect, his ability to hold his own in any situation, and his mature handling of relationships. A real man treats a woman as an equal and a partner, rather than as an object. A real man is allowed to feel, to emote, to love, to cry and to have his weak moments. A real man is human, and like all humans he can be both strong as well as vulnerable. The rules for masculinity have changed. Unfortunately the bulletin has not been put up loud and clear. As a result we still have plenty of antiquated simians who ingest liquor till they turn fully into animals; who then derive strength from their juvenile, brash male friends, and in a throwback to their Neanderthal hunting days, chase women down streets. Such men derive power from the fear women feel when in danger of being plucked off the street, violated and even killed… And so drunk Vikas Barala with friend Ashish Kumar chases Varnika Kundu down Chandigarh’s roads. A few days later another ‘male’ duo chase a woman returning from work on a scooter on Gurgaon roads. Always drunk, always with a male friend. Even as gender rules are shifting fast, men find it tough to let go rules of traditional masculinity, behaving in a manner that society (women and the more evolved men) is increasingly finding intolerable and disgusting! Traditionally men are expected to be strong, dismissive of emotions, in control and independent. The insistence of some men to stick to an anachronistic traditional template of toxic masculinity creates large pockets of discontent and negativity. It all starts small, with some socially deplorable behavior such as vandalism or shoplifting and some degrading talk against women; some leering, some loose remarks. One thing leads to another and it doesn’t take long for misdirected men intent on proving their false masculinity, to travel down paths of criminal bestiality.

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And then… a Nirbhaya cries agonizingly in each one of us, once again… And once again misguided males in power suggest that women should not step out late at night, that “boys will be boys” and Union Minister Babul Supriyo says, “…like reel, ‘Boy chase Girl’ exists in real life too…” What a shame to live in such times! Times when boys engage in degrading talk about girls and then easily graduate to committing physical violence in its most bestial form on women — just because they can. And why can they? They can because their parents have been unable to teach them any better. They can because they have misplaced ideas of what being a man means. They can because we do not stop them in time when they first fall into bad company, when they first take to substance abuse, when they utter their first degrading word against a woman! They do because they think they can get away with it. And why do they think they can get away? Because often they do so, since our law enforcement is not vigilant or effective enough. They do because we do not punish fast enough, or harshly enough! There is something seriously wrong with a society that questions its women but lets men go scot free.

But, wait a minute! We are no longer such a society. We create loud noise with the help of media! We object. We reject. We question…. And yes, we do have the answers too. Is anyone listening?

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timesofindia.indiatimes.com - Who is a real man? - Times of India

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