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Happiness is U-shaped – it declines and bottoms out in your 40s, so report countless studies, until it starts to inch its way up again in the 50s. This is a remarkably consistent finding, across countries and cultures.
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Read More »All indicators to the contrary – the three children, the mortgage, the gray hairs, that little immutable fact that I was born in 1984 – the idea that I am approaching 40 is as discordant to my identity as is my bra drawer, which, since the pandemic and the birth of my one-year-old, consists mostly of slings. No, I think whenever I’m forced to confront my reality as an almost-middle-ager, I am still 22 and my silky, lacy undergarments would be more at home on a Victoria’s Secret billboard than in Ma’s closet on the prairie. Yet here I am, along with vast swaths of other millennials who are starting to approach our most unhappy period of life. Oh, haven’t you heard? Happiness is U-shaped – it declines and bottoms out in your 40s, so report countless studies, until it starts to inch its way up again in the 50s. This is a remarkably consistent finding, across countries and cultures. Though I consider myself decently happy – my kids are adorable and often astonishing, I have a strong marriage and enjoy my career, plus I no longer have to face lunchtime anxiety in the school cafeteria – I am, it seems, statistically fated to languish in the nadir, next to other sad, anxious, sleepless swamp creatures also living in the squeeze, with ageing parents and young children, and a veritable potpourri of stressful situations to sprinkle throughout my days. This has been the case for anyone in mid-life for some time, with some studies pinpointing our most unhappy year to be precisely 47.2. But, I recently learned, we millennials may find ourselves uniquely screwed as we approach that low point in the curve. My place on this “smile curve” took on new urgency when I came across the data from this year’s American Time Use Survey. The study by the US Census Bureau and Bureau of Labor Statistics measures how people spend their days – working, exercising, housekeeping, eating and the like. The latest report, using data from 2021, reports all sorts of depressing statistics. To pluck just one of many: Americans across all ages spend vastly more time watching television than doing literally any other leisure activity, including socializing, playing sports, reading, or “relaxing and thinking”, that Shangri-La of all time-use buckets, and one last successfully engaged in by Cicero. But the worrying one for me pertained to those of us between 35 and 44 years old, the so-called “elder millennials” (a phrase I cannot read without flashing back to the moment when my obstetrician labeled my pregnancy “geriatric”, instantaneously evoking the image of my husband holding my walker as I nursed): apparently, we spend the least amount of leisure time of any other age cohort, and the least ever reported for our cohort since the survey was first released in 2003. When I read an article by a Bloomberg columnist, who crunched the ATUS numbers to pull that stat to the forefront, I thought, If no one else in my life ever really sees me, at least the Bureau of Labor Statistics does.
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Read More »I’m not sure I need a national survey to illuminate my diminishing leisure time, and the depressing ways I choose to spend it Had I partaken in the survey last year, I would have wanted to clarify that with a newborn in the house, my husband’s Apple watch sleep tracker looked like a seismograph at the base of Vesuvius in AD79. Had I taken it last weekend, I would have piped up that the hours of 3.30 to 5am were spent driving my three-year-old languidly up and down back streets with the soothing sounds of Raffi lullabies playing, as I narrowly dodged small woodland creatures and willfully pretended she was drifting off (she wasn’t, and we were the first in line at the bagel store).
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Read More »In addition to big economic forces specific to millennials, such as the Great Recession, Graham mentioned the cultural ramifications of living in a country that not only doesn’t offer basic support, but also devalues leisure time and vacations in general. “My guess is that the next generations may have it a little easier,” she surmised, citing a more forgiving labor market and the Great Resignation, which has empowered employees to say no, or demand more – at least those who are privileged enough to be able to do so in the first place. There are data-backed ways to amplify one’s happiness, including being more altruistic, and that nebulous concept of “being active in your own destiny”, both of which Graham believes got a boost from the Covid years, with charitable giving rising, and recalibrated life priorities. And there’s at least one millennial-specific silver lining. “Going through more difficult times in the long run has a payoff, because if you get through them, you’re more resilient,” Graham said. “You’re just able to weather the shocks better, even if it isn’t a perfect landing.” So, fellow elder millennials, heads down. I’ll keep an eye out for your walker if you keep an eye out for mine.
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