Can cheating cause erectile dysfunction?

It's pretty straightforward: the guilt and shame of cheating can cause ED. This is because these intrusive thoughts mean you're not in the right mental space to send signals to your penis to form an erection.

mojo.so - Can cheating cause erectile dysfunction? | ED & affairs - Mojo

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Research shows that 20% of married men and 13% of married women in the US will have sex with someone other than their spouse. And those numbers only refer to people who have had penetrative sex outside marriage.

Everyone has their own idea of what cheating is.

Some think emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating, and some think texting or watching porn can count as being unfaithful. Regardless of where you personally draw the line, lots of people in relationships may have to deal with some level of romantic or sexual betrayal at some stage. Infidelity can cause erectile dysfunction (ED) for men who have cheated and for men who have been cheated on. Read on to find out exactly why cheating can cause ED, and how to help get your erections back on track if you’ve been impacted by infidelity.

Erectile dysfunction and affairs: what’s the link?

Erectile dysfunction is where you can’t get or keep an erection. It can happen when you’re masturbating or having sex with a partner. Most men will experience ED at some point, so it can be helpful to know the basics about how and why it happens. ‍ Your ability to get hard, stay hard, and ultimately orgasm can be impacted by loads of different psychological and physical factors. One of these psychological factors could involve cheating. If you’ve been impacted by cheating and your erections are suffering, Amanda Barge, Mojo’s in-house psychosexual and relationship therapist, is here to provide some much-needed answers.‍

We’ll cover the following scenarios:

‍

Erectile dysfunction after being cheated on

Scenario 1: Your partner has cheated on you, and it’s led to you having erection issues ‍ Being cheated on is pretty shit. And it adds insult to injury if you’re struggling to get or maintain erections after it happens. But, we do have some good news for you: struggling with ED after infidelity is totally normal. You’re having a natural human response.

Why does this happen?

Your body may go into shock

We asked Amanda what happens in the body when you learn you’ve been cheated on: “The body really can go into shock when an individual finds out about a betrayal. Some therapists say that it can feel like a trauma, and you may well have similar symptoms to those of PTSD.”

Amanda Barge, psychosexual and relationship therapist

These symptoms can include:

Being emotionally dysregulated

Feeling numb and then flooded with anger and hurt

Repeated intrusive thoughts

Feeling overwhelmed

Loss of self respect

Compulsive behaviour

Sleep disturbance

Confusion

There will also be high levels of anxiety

‍

Whilst in this state of shock, it would be very normal to suffer from ED with your partner, because you need the right mind and body signals for an erection to happen.

Your libido can take a dip

If you’re feeling betrayed by your partner, it’s totally normal for your libido (sex drive) to disappear. Medical professionals agree that stress, anxiety and exhaustion are all common causes of low libido. So, if you’re dealing with the emotions of being cheated on, you can expect your sex drive to take a knock, and you’re less likely to get hard as a result. That’s because your brain simply won’t be sending sexy signals to your penis.

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What can you do about it?

We’ve established it’s normal to experience ED after being cheated on – but where do we go from here?

If you decide to stay with your partner, Amanda has the following tips: ‍

1. You need to look after yourself

Perhaps you might need some space, and that’s okay.

If you’re hoping to repair the relationship, understand it might take some time. You might have to explore your ideas about love and perhaps confront your doubts and fears. Try and find some support from friends if you think that would help, too.

2. Communication is going to be vital

Before you talk, ask yourself these questions:

Is your partner going to be able to own how much they have hurt you?

Is it going to feel safe and secure?

‍

This will be important. You will need to communicate and explore why this happened if you are to repair your relationship successfully.

3. Take things slow and go at your own pace

When it comes to whether or not you want to have sex again with your partner, take your time. Initially, your emotions might feel all over the place, and they might be even more heightened in bed. Tell your partner how you would like sex to be. If you need time, explain this. If you would rather just hold each other, ask for this. If your partner understands the pain that has been caused, they will be happy to go at your pace.‍

4. Stay open minded about types of sex

If penetrative sex is off the cards, but you’re ready for a sexual encounter with your partner, you don’t necessarily need an erection. You can explore alternatives that lead you to satisfying sex that has nothing to do with penetration, and this can take the pressure off your penis. Think about all things involving tongues, fingers, and sex toys. We’ll let your imagination do the rest.

5. Take care of your erections ‍

No matter what, if you need help bettering your boners, Mojo can help you out. We have experts on hand to give you advice and plenty of practical tools to help you get and stay hard after you’ve experienced infidelity. We’ve helped thousands of other men, and we’ll be here whenever you’re ready.

Erectile dysfunction after cheating

Scenario 2: You’ve cheated on your partner and now you can’t get hard ‍ We’re a judgment-free zone here at Mojo, and it’s our priority to get your boners back on track.

If you’re struggling with erections after being unfaithful, you’re not alone.

Why does this happen?

Feelings of guilt and shame

If your interest has completely shifted from your partner to someone else, then there might be a deeper cause to explain why your erections are suffering in your relationship. But, if you made a mistake and still want to make it work with your partner, Amanda tells us: “Shame is one of the most difficult emotions we can feel, and it can often manifest itself as anxiety. Cheating rarely feels good, we are hard wired not to enjoy these feelings. Intrusive thoughts and feeling bad about hurting someone (even if they don’t know), can all lead to problems with normal arousal and ED. But there are things that you can do to help.”

Amanda Barge, psychosexual and relationship therapist

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It’s pretty straightforward: the guilt and shame of cheating can cause ED. This is because these intrusive thoughts mean you’re not in the right mental space to send signals to your penis to form an erection.

What can you do about it?

‍

1. Decide whether to come clean

Things get a little more complicated when you have to decide whether or not you’re going to tell your partner you’ve cheated. And we have to admit here – whatever you decide could impact your erections. If you cheated in the past and it’s not going to happen again, some people think that keeping it a secret is a good idea to save your partner from any pain. But that’s a burden you’ll have to decide if you can and want to carry, and don’t forget that the guilt could lead to erection issues. If you’re having problems with erectile dysfunction, often one of the most helpful suggestions is to try and talk to your partner about what is going on with your erections, so if you hold onto the secret of cheating this will be impossible.

2. If it’s situational, figure out why it is happening

‍Sometimes you can have situational ED. Perhaps this means you are struggling with your partner, but can manage with a one night stand. If you want to stay in your relationship, it might be a good idea to explore what is going on that is causing this problem.

3. Communicate with your partner and show remorse ‍

If you decide to disclose your infidelity and try to repair your relationship, Amanda says you’ve got to be prepared to have open and constructive conversations. Expressing remorse to your partner is vital if you are wanting to try and repair things. You will need to give them time to get over the initial shock, and be ready for their anger and hurt.

‍4. Learn and respect your partner’s boundaries ‍

You will also need to be prepared to wait until they are ready to be physical again, and they may want to call the shots about how and where this happens. It’s vital to listen to and respect these boundaries while your partner is healing.

5. Work on your erections ‍

You can take this time to work on yourself and your erections.‍

Mojo’s got you covered there, with different expert-led guided exercises and meditations you can practice solo. These will help you to reduce feelings of stress and guilt, stay out of your head during sex, and ultimately get and stay hard.

mojo.so - Can cheating cause erectile dysfunction? | ED & affairs - Mojo

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