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Can a man with prostate cancer make love?

You can't pass on cancer through sex. Having sex won't affect how well your treatment works. Having sex has no effect on your cancer or the chance of it coming back after treatment. It's safe to have an erection if you have a catheter in.

prostatecanceruk.org - Sex and relationships | Prostate Cancer UK

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Sex and relationships

If you have a partner, then coping with cancer and side effects may have changed your relationship and the way you have sex. Some couples even find that dealing with cancer strengthens their relationship and brings them closer together. But you may experience some or all of the following. Your normal pattern of having sex might change. Some men will avoid sex or any kind of closeness because of worries that their partner will expect full (penetrative) sex. Dealing with cancer sometimes means relationships can change from romantic or sexual to more like a close friendship, or patient and carer. You’ll probably be facing other changes in your relationship, such as changing priorities and life plans together. Even though your sex life might not be the same as it was before, there are still many ways of having pleasure, closeness or fun together. Being physically close can protect or even improve your relationship. Try to be realistic but flexible in your approach to sex. It doesn’t have to be all about full penetrative sex.

Practical tips

Give the treatments a go

If you’re having problems with erections, try the available treatments. They will work for some men but not for everyone. You may need to stick with a treatment for a while before you see results. And you might need to try different treatments or a combination. Don’t be put off if you know a treatment hasn’t worked for someone else – everyone is different.

Talk about it

If you have a partner, talking about sex and your thoughts and feelings will help you both deal with any changes. Some men worry about the effect that changes to their sex life are having on their partner. Try not to guess how they feel about things, as guesses can often be wrong. And encourage them to get support too. It’s not always easy to talk about sex and relationships, even if you’ve been together for a long time. Some men find it hard to talk about their emotions, as they feel that being emotionally strong is part of what makes them a man. And sometimes couples who are struggling to cope with the changes in their relationship will put off talking about it. They might think the other partner doesn’t mind the changes, feel embarrassed, or not want to upset each other. Talking to each other, even if you need help to do so, can help you come to terms with the changes to your sex life. Communication can even bring you closer together and make you feel more confident about facing challenges. If you find it difficult to talk, it may help to write a letter to your partner or see a relationship counsellor.

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Your nurse or GP can talk to you about counselling. You could also try contacting organisations such as Relate or the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists.

Stay close

Try to experiment and find out what works for you, and try different, non-sexual, ways of being close. This could be as simple as holding hands or going out and trying new hobbies and things to do. Some couples try to have an evening out together every few weeks. Some men say they just miss having a hug with their partner – having a regular cuddle can keep you close. Try to have time alone together, whatever your situation. If you’re in a hospital, hospice or have carers coming to your house, make sure they know when you need private time.

Focus on pleasure not erections

Take the spotlight off performance. Remember – having sex is not just about having erections or penetrative sex. Men can have orgasms without having an erection or ejaculating and some men get pleasure from pleasuring their partner. Find a space to be together that is warm and comfortable, and take some time to be physically close. Try some mutual massage sessions. You could start with a massage that avoids the sexual parts of the body and then add some genital touching later or at another time. Take things slowly, and later add in a session when you spend more time touching each other’s genitals. If you relax and use all your senses, you may be able to have an orgasm with a soft penis.

Have fun and experiment

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There’s no one way to have sex or experience sexual pleasure, but people can get stuck in sexual habits. Think of this as an opportunity to refresh your sex life. Sex is more than just penetration. You could try alternatives such as massage, mutual masturbation, oral sex, vibrators and dildos, watching erotic films or reading erotic books. You can buy lubricants and vibrators in pharmacies, high street lingerie and sex shops, or online. You can also buy lubricants in some supermarkets. You can make changes gradually. Start off with holding hands or kissing if you don’t normally do this, and move on to new sexual activities when you feel comfortable.

Get some advice

If you have questions or concerns about sex speak to your doctor, nurse or other health professional. Some couples need more than just medical treatment for erection problems. Trying both medical treatments and seeking advice and support at the same time can help.

Sex therapy

Sex therapy (sometimes called psychosexual therapy or sexual counselling) is available on the NHS in some areas, or you can pay for it privately. For NHS services you will usually need a referral from your GP or other health professional. Check that any sex therapist you see is registered with the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy, or the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine.

prostatecanceruk.org - Sex and relationships | Prostate Cancer UK

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